I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
