Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
