Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
no, he came in my armpit
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
