It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
