what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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