Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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