Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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