My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
