Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
