she woke up with a sticky ear
Do vagina's smell?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
