Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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