spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my sisters under your porch take her home
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
pray to the hookup gods
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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