I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
