Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
