You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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