When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
