My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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