The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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