Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
