Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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