return my video game
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
