Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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