i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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