I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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