I think i peed on brittanys purse
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
