Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
