not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
