ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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