I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
