I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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