Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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