Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
