At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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