Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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