just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
