My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
