The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
