The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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