dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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