Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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