The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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