Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
