god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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