what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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