dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
