He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
