i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
