So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
