i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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