god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize