You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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