Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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