where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
