ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
