I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
