He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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