hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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