How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
