Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
