peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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