I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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