Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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