i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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