she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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