she was so not down for the gang bang
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
