last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
