By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
