I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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