is your mom at the bar?
youre lurking in front of me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
