escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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