My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
