Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
