Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize