Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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