remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize