it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
