I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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