i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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